Well, I guess I should start from the beginning. So, I will to try to explain how I got involved in this thing called “Scientology”. I don’t feel like I’m much of a story teller, but I do hope you read it all and understand what I have to say about this.
I have always been attracted to the religious/spiritual world as a kid. I WANTED to go to Church and I did. Maybe not consistently enough but I did go. There was even a time that I had the Church bus come by and get me every Sunday Morning. This was MY doing. Not anyone else’s, not my mom’s, not my siblings but mine. I just felt it was important for some reason. I would go to the First Baptist Church of Garland at Broadway and Miller.
I really don’t know what all to tell here even HOW to tell it. Like, how much detail about me do I get into? I’m just going to write.
As I began growing a little older that drive to ensure I was going to Church began to wane, but It never really did wane completely. My knowledge about the different Religions out there began to grow and it all made me start to wonder. Wonder what you may ask? About what’s the truth in all this Religious stuff, what’s the real answers and is there a REAL answer?
At the same time, I’m getting High ALL THE FREAKING TIME. If you came in contact with me at nearly any point in my High School years, I was probably high. That’s just a fact. I probably even got you high even you knew me.
I was also noticing all the harm people did to people. I just couldn’t stand it. I began to ask myself why do people stab each other in the back, why do boyfriends and girlfriends cheat on each other then lie about it? What do people lie? And, why is the world such a fucked up mess? You know, the normal questions kids ask.
I hardly ever dated in High School. I don’t think I did actually. I was High all the time. My Senior year, I did get a steady girlfriend. She hated me getting high but I did it behind her back. She eventually broke up with me due to that, I think. Still not sure about that.
While dating her, I settled down quite a bit tough. I stayed home a LOT more waiting for her to get off work, things like that. My mom thought I was not normal because I would be home on a Friday night waiting for her to get off work. I remember saying, “Normal? You want me to tell you what’s normal out there? Drinking and drugs is what’s normal! I know kids my age out there right now dropping acid and others out there getting totally drunk and passing out. You want me to be a normal kid and go do those things?” She decided to leave me alone about staying home.
After the break up, I really went off the deep end. That was my first long term girlfriend. I had a good job for an 18 year old, I was Manager of a warehouse with one subordinate and handled all the shipping and receiving for the company. I began getting high even more. I don’t even know how that is possible but I did.
Then Ecstasy came along. FUCK!
(I took at little break from writing)
I don’t mind writing all this down for all to see. Hell, Scientology knows all this about me and more. They keep everything in a folder about a person called a “preclear folder” which everything goes in. There aren’t secrets you keep there.
I did so much ecstasy it’s just insane! At the peak, I was spending nearly my entire weekly paycheck on it. I had the idea to buy a bunch and then sell them but I would take them instead. Crazy, I know. I’m not going to explain the crazy ass trips I went on while high on ecstasy. You can just imagine yourself what those were like.
I was also going to Church during this time. In fact, I went to nearly ever denomination of Church out there trying to find the answers to my questions. Yet I only got more confused.
I couldn’t understand how the Jewish were God’s people yet don’t believe in Jesus. I couldn’t understand how the Christians say you won’t go to Heaven if you don’t believe Jesus yet the Jewish don’t believe in Jesus and are supposedly going there and I couldn’t understand how the Muslims basically say that both the Jewish and the Christians have it all wrong and we it all right and you better believe us or we are going to kill you.
I went to Methodist, Protestant, Jehovah Witness, Pentecostal, Baptist and who knows how many other denominations of Church’s during that time. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how any of these religions could say they are the right religion.
I ended up losing my job due to all the ecstasy use, losing my car. Everything. I was one messed up puppy.
In the Summer of ’85, I left Garland with a bus ticket to my Aunts. It was far out in the country, hardly any neighbors, closets neighbor was miles away. It was perfect setting for me to get a grip on things.
What did I do? I read the Bible, I read the Bible and I read the Bible some more. I attended a nearby Church 2 days a week, including Sunday School. My Aunt wasn’t Religious, but she was understanding of my desires to go to Church.
But damn all that ecstasy had me messed up! It affected my memory, how it affected is hard to explain. At times it would be like this: Let’s say you are looking at a physical object and then you see that physical object start to move (but it really isn’t moving) and it starts moving so fast you can’t tell what that object is and then it suddenly disappears(but it’s really still there you just can’t see it anymore). Well, it was like that, except it was like that with memory!
That’s probably the best I ever explained what that was like yet it’s still probably so hard to understand.
After the drying out period at my Aunts, I came back to Garland, looking for a job. My memory situation was so bad I couldn’t even remember my address while filling out an application. It was kind of embarrassing having to pull out your driver’s license to be able to know where you lived.
I decided to DO something about that. I went to a local bookstore, browsed books that had to do with the mind and spiritual nature of man, totally determined to find a book that help will me with my memory issues. I picked up 2 books at that time. One was called “Notes to Myself” (lmbo, I’m such an introvert) and the other was “Dianetics, The Modern Science of Mental Health”
I read both books fast. I couldn’t believe how fast I tore through that Dianetics book. I read it in less than a week and was totally fascinated by the concepts in it. John Travolta was quoted on the book saying something about how much the book had helped him. I was a little scared off when I found at the book of the book listings for a bunch of Church of Scientology Organizations. I was like, “a Church? What is this about? “ I wasn’t so scared off though that it kept me from inquiring more about this thing.
I filled out an insert that came with the book regarding get more information and doing a personality test or something. I don’t remember but my experience in the Church tells me it was to do a personality test.
I filled that out and waited.